Thank Heaven … for little girls, they grow up in the most amazing ways!" Maurice Chevalier sang those words over 50 years ago, and sweeter words were never sung. Our little girls are growing up, and something strange is happening to our sport. Quite a few are growing up to be accomplished riders.

And I eagerly welcome their support. But could there be a dark cloud looming on the horizon? With the incredible rise of women's interest in off-road motorsports in recent years, PC has now come to the Desert (and I don't mean Personal Computer). I thought the Desert was my last refuge from Political Correctness. A place where I was free to mark my territory in the most primal sense. Where I could curse and spit and tell lies of Glory Days when the young girls fought each other for a place at my side. When my wheelies were longer, my jumps higher, and my motor faster. Could all this testosterone frenzy be about to come to an abrupt and untimely demise?

  The women are all over these days; we even have a Class 9 driver at Baja Pits. And she does pretty well at the SCORE events. Team Green has also had some women Baja Racers. You see women at District 37 and 38 events, and women are everywhere at Glamis and the other desert ride spots. I can only assume that this trend is national if not worldwide.

Face it guys our sport is bitchin' and our women have figured it out! But, Mr. Dune has some serious concerns about how all these babes on bikes may be affecting us.
  I see my buddies primping and grooming  before a ride to Boardmanville or the Iron Door, worrying about what they are wearing, and if they smell pretty. Smell pretty??

I'm afraid to say it, the end of the boy's trip may be fast approaching. Now the girls don't bitch because you are going, and they have to stay home alone without your masculine attention. But, rather because they want to go ride too!

  I'll be the first to admit the sight of a shapely bottom straddling a quad up Competition or Oldsmobile is truly a heart throbbing experience. But I wax reminiscent of the days of sleeping naked in the dirt, going without a shower for days, even weeks. Of sitting around the campfire in dirty underwear, farting Bohemian Rhapsody ala' Blazing Saddles, in concert with a group of drunken miscreants and social delinquents. Now our sacred bodily functions are met with stern looks of disapproval from the feminine members of the group. The other day one of the guys in my group actually apologized, after what seemed to be only a modest display of intestinal prowess.

  I myself have fallen prey to "Chicks in the Desert Syndrome"("CDS"). I bought a monster RV that holds 180gals of fresh water so that I can take 5 showers a day and still have enough left over to water my ferns. I take a vacuum, a freaking vacuum! To the Dez! I used to forget my toothpaste and was happy to brush my teeth in the morning with a half full, leftover can of beer. What has happened to me…Where can I find help?

Can I get Government compensation for having CDS? Are there any support groups? Can we form one? And most important, will having CDS entitle me to a vast supply of prescription drugs from my HMO?
  With women coming to the Desert in droves, we men need to band together! We need to seize the initiative and train these girls the right way!

We need to teach them that B.O. is a good thing! That the smelliest guy in camp is the most desirable! Remember guys, the best defense is a good offense, so don't stop being offensive! Don't knuckle under to estrogen pressure and give up your unalienable right to smash beer cans against your forehead and behave like a caveman! If we show these girls the right way from the start we can turn the Martha Stewart's and Barbara Streisand's out there into Thelma and Louise.
  Before I crawl back into my cave to make some stone tools with Newt, Rush and the Boyz, let me welcome you ladies to our Desert!

I look forward to having you out there. Just remember that we were here first and you'll have to worm your way into our hearts before you can remake us. Just like when we started dating. So look good, love us when we're rude, and ride naked! And we'll get along famously!

Mr. Dune